The value of stories in New Hampshire

February 18, 2011 at 11:46 am 73 comments

By Adam Bink

This is Paul Ober, a hockey player at the University of New Hampshire:




















Photo credit: Kevin Miniter

Paul came out as bisexual during yesterday’s hearing to a room of around 800 people. Now that is what we call Courage.

I’ve been reading the coverage around New Hampshire and national wires like the AP. He was mentioned in today’s Concord Monitor piece. Here’s his story:

Paul Ober, a University of New Hampshire club hockey player, came out to his teammates at the hearing, telling them, and the committee, that he is bisexual.

“It sucks to be gay because of the discrimination,” Ober said afterward. “It’s legally condone-able behavior to make fun of homosexuals, bisexuals, anyone with an alternative lifestyle.”

The sophomore English major said he hopes if same-sex marriage remains in place, people will “come around” and stop discriminating.

“The law was passed originally based on an act of love and kindness to a group of people,” Ober said. “To take that away is pointless and illogical.”

It literally just makes my heart stop. It’s stories like these that are changing the landscape in New Hampshire, and it’s stories like those that made yesterday a resounding success. We’ve seen it in Iowa with Zach, and with Phillip Spooner in Maine, and now with Paul.

I just checked on the numbers- we at Courage, in collaboration with our friends at Granite State Progress who submitted the testimony to the committee, ended up collecting a total of 64 written testimonies on our page (many of which I posted here yesterday) for those who couldn’t attend yesterday’s hearing, and drove more to attend in person, all wearing red. We outnumbered NOM by more than 15-1. Last month we ran five Camp Courage trainings across the state to get the word out about the attack on equality, to teach activists about “story of self” and to film a total of 26 video Testimonies for our new story-telling project later this month. We’ll be collecting more over the next few months.

We’re doing all this because we see the value of stories- in photos and in video. Stories help win these campaigns.

We’re raising some money today to fund our Camp Courage trainings and Testimony story collection in other states as other fights come down the pipe- on adoption, constitutional amendments on marriage, discrimination, Prop 8, you name it. Please make a contribution if you can. We’re going to find the next Zach Wahls, the next Phillip Spooner, and then make sure the “movable middle” sees and hears their story. Already we’re working on video from yesterday’s hearing.

Please contribute to help double down on these efforts. We’ve shown how this- using stories to drive action- can work successfully in New Hampshire. We want to bring this model to other states, and we can’t do it without your help. Please chip in whatever you can so stories like Paul’s get out there.

And thanks for all you are doing and did in New Hampshire.

Entry filed under: Community/Meta, Marriage equality.

Lamest Argument of the Week Award goes to Maggie and Kevin Smith A P8TT Community Match

73 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Peterplumber  |  February 18, 2011 at 11:51 am


    • 2. JonT  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:28 pm

  • 3. Phillip R  |  February 18, 2011 at 11:53 am

    Good for him. I hope there’s no fallout with his team. :/

  • 4. Lesbians Love Boies  |  February 18, 2011 at 11:53 am

    Paul Ober is a very courageous person. Thank you. You are my hero.

    • 5. Kathleen  |  February 18, 2011 at 11:59 am

      • 6. Sheryl, Mormon Mother of a wonderful son who just happens to be gay  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:33 pm

        I only heard the beginning of his testimony yesterday, the part where he stated that he was bisexual and then my video and sound froze. Listening to him come out in front of so many people, I thought how courageous he was.

        On another note, the stories I did get to hear yesterday were both heart warming and sad. My heart went out to the people who waited so long to marry the person they loved. It is so unfair that such injustice still exists in this country (or any country for that matter). All the other side could show for supporting the bills was the traditional marriage idea (and no one defines just which traditional marriage they really want to have; personally, I think the majority of guys want the ownership of the wife, or perhaps they’d really like “Stepford Wives” marriage). And for those who want to keep the “Biblical” definition of marriage as defined by the Adam and Eve Story, they certainly don’t want the Biblical marriage of the prophets who had multiple wives. And, of course, we all know that they do pick and choose the Biblical passages that they want people to live by.

        Sheryl, Mormon Mother

    • 7. Straight for Equality  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:03 pm

      Yes, he was quite impressive at the hearing, as were a number of our supporters. We have a lot of heroes, many unknown.

    • 8. Mark M (Seattle)  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:45 pm

      He is indeed a hero of the highest calibre for sure.
      I had to seriously do a double take when I saw his picture today…he looks SO much like our son!

  • 9. Peterplumber  |  February 18, 2011 at 11:59 am

    OK, I just contributed another $100

    Everyone match me!!!

    • 10. Straight for Equality  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:04 pm

      I made a contribution yesterday, but I’m afraid it doesn’t match you.

    • 11. adambink  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:04 pm

      Wow. Thanks Peterplumber. Rest assured we’re going to be using your contribution to do this kind of work in other states. Already have some partnerships planned.

      • 12. Peterplumber  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:04 pm

        OK, let me make this offer….
        All the regulars here, Anonygirl, Kathleen, Richard, Carpool, Gregory, Fiona, etc. (you know who you are), make whatever contribution you can and post the amount here or get your amount to Adam. I will MATCH the combined total up to $1000.
        Adam, you can contact me personally with the amount using peter at hot glass works dot com.

        • 13. JPM  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:08 pm

          I sent $15

        • 14. Kathleen  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:17 pm

          Peterplumber, I know you mean well, but I consider it highly inappropriate to call out people by name, challenging them to donate.

          If you want to do a matching donation there are ways to do it without listing names publicly pressuring individuals, by name, to donate money. People do what they can and it’s not up to you to indulge in what can appear to be public shaming.

          I want an apology.

          • 15. Peterplumber  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:29 pm

            OK, I am sorry.

            In fact, I am sooooo, sorry, that I withdraw my offer. I am sorry if my offer offended anyone. I just want to help.

          • 16. Kathleen  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:33 pm

            Apology accepted.

            And I don’t see why you need to withdraw your offer to do a match of some kind. You just don’t need to name specific people in order to accomplish it.

          • 17. fiona64  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:05 pm

            Apology accepted here, too.

            My husband has been unable to work for the past four days due to an injury, which means we are not in a position for me to donate. If he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid.

            I feel very uncomfortable at the idea that someone presumed I could make a donation of any size, no matter how good their intentions. :-(

            (I just got chewed out for something someone else loused up — the classic shoot first and ask questions later, I have a fever and a stomach bug … and this was kind of the last thing I needed today.)

          • 18. Ray in MA  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:57 pm

            Kathleen Darling, I would rather have heard you say “consider an apology”. “I want” sounds too much like a Diva.

        • 19. Mark M (Seattle)  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:45 pm

          Or you could just donate the $1000 and be done……..

    • 20. AnonyGrl  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:04 pm

      Or do $10. Because for those of us who do not have that much to toss around, know that every little bit helps!

      • 21. Gregory in Salt Lake City  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:11 pm

        The “Widow’s Mite” from the Bible is one story I liked as a child…..

        • 22. AnonyGrl  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:13 pm


  • 23. Ronnie  |  February 18, 2011 at 11:59 am

    I concur with Philip R & LLB….<3…Ronnie

    • 24. Ronnie  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      sorry for the typo….Phillip R…..ok, here is what happened there…I typed 3 “l’s”….went to to delete the 3rd one & I deleted 2 of them instead & didn’t realize it….(shakes head)… : / ….Ronnie

      • 25. Lesbians Love Boies  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:05 pm

        We all do it Ronnie. LOL – I made many mistakes this morning before having more coffee (should have added baileys in it!)

        And, Ronnie, you are a hero of mine too!

      • 26. Phillip R  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:58 pm

        You’re my hero for correcting it. I’ve always guessed that 1 L is the more common spelling because people rarely spell it with 2 when directed at me. Drives me nuts but you get used to it!

      • 27. Ronnie  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:25 pm

        You guys are two of my heros…. ; ) ….xoxo….

        mmmm…bailey’s sounds good mixed in a nice cold coffee milk shake…mmmm….no, must resist…must wait until St. Patrick’s Day….<3…Ronnie

        • 28. Phillip R  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:33 pm

          I think you deserve a pre-St Patricks day baileys! I’m a fan of hot drinks with Baileys…love a souped up hot chocolate. :)

          • 29. Lesbians Love Boies  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:36 pm

            mmmmmm….. I had that during christmas, with a candy cane as a stirrer (although the candy cane melted and fell apart quite quickly) but it was yummy.

          • 30. Phillip R  |  February 18, 2011 at 2:01 pm

            Awww….now I’m craving one! I adore hot alcoholic drinks in the winter.

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Caitirin and Adam Bink, Testimony. Testimony said: The values of stories in New Hampshire […]

  • 32. Carpool Cookie  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Wow. I’m grateful that young Mr. Ober came out for a good cause! And I’m glad he can now live a life where the people in his life will really know him.

    It’s a much more fulfilling way to live than with clouds of unnecessary secrets surrounded very basic, almost mundane things.

    : )

  • 33. Carpool Cookie  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Is this whole day of the hearing on tape somewhere, for those of us who couldn’t make the links work yesterday?

    • 34. Gregory in Salt Lake City  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:33 pm

      agree! tried to connect unsuccessfully yesterday too
      …humming and smiling to self while thinking about “A book report on Peter Rabbit…”

      • 35. Carpool Cookie  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:34 pm

        “The very very very very very very…end.”

  • 36. Kate  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Hey folks — my Internet has been down almost a week and is FINALLY working again. I’ve been going stir-crazy not being able to read about what is going on with everyone. It looks as though the biggest news is that the CA Supreme Court is going to drag out the Prop 8 fiasco even longer. Anyone willing to give me the condensed version of the responses folks here posted to it? I’m just not going to be able to catch up with all the threads.

    • 37. Gregory in Salt Lake City  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:34 pm

      welcome back! looking forward to summary as I’ve missed big chunks of time too : /

  • 38. Richard A. Jernigan  |  February 18, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    And just as it did in New Hampshire, Maine, and Iowa, all of us telling our stories will make a positive impact nationwide! Keep it up, Courage Campaign!

  • 39. Ronnie  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    The State University of New York (SUNY) community in Geneseo,NY say “It Gets Better”… are some of the affirmations expressed in their video to the song “Love Generation” by Bob Sinclair:

    “gay? fine by me.”
    “Your life is worth more than their words.”
    “There is more then enough love in this world..You are not alone.”
    “Never be afraid to be yourself!”
    “Why pray 4 a lighter load? When you can pray for a stronger back and Supporters. I support you” ~Shedia C.
    “To WISH you were another person is a WASTE of who you really are”
    “Embrace yourself”
    “There is no alternative to being you”
    “You are loved”
    “It Gets Better”


    • 40. chris from co  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:26 pm

      love the shirt’s

    • 41. Ray in MA  |  February 18, 2011 at 4:08 pm

      Ahhhhhhhhh! to be young and in college 2011 in America!

      In 1976 (my dayz) this could/would not happen.

  • 42. Rhie  |  February 18, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    Amazing how hard it is to “other” someone when they are a real person right in front of you.

  • 43. Ronnie  |  February 18, 2011 at 2:16 pm


    “Darling daughter Viva Katherine Wainwright Cohen was born on February 2, 2011 in Los Angeles, California to proud parents Lorca Cohen, Rufus Wainwright and Deputy Dad Jorn Weisbrodt. The little angel is evidently healthy, presumably happy and certainly very very beautiful.

    Daddy #1 would like to offer everyone a digital cigar and welcome the little lady in with a French phrase from his favorite folk song, A La Claire Fontaine : ‘Il y a longtemps que je t’aime, jamais je ne t’oublierai’…..”

    (me) Congratulations to the happy parents….Her 1st name is Viva…I LOVE THAT!!!!!…..<3..Ronnie

  • 44. Carpool Cookie  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    I found listening to this PBS “American Experience” special to be interesting. It doesn’t really get into too much scandal, and is mostly historical.

    (One interesting point is that this one young missionary says he wasn’t able to convert a SINGLE PERSON to the LDS in his two-year mission.)

    I found it good to listen to kind of like a radio show if you have some monotonous desk work,so I’m now a bit more informed about the church history should I find myself in a disagreement with an LDS member RE: marriage equality.

    Parts 1 and 2 are at this PBS link:


    • 45. fiona64  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:09 pm

      I only recently .learned that missionaries and/or their families are expected to fund these two-year sojourns themselves (Sheryl, please chime in if this is no longer the case … the book I’m reading was written in 2003). I was really surprised, given that tithing is mandatory; I presumed that those tithes funded these missions. I would guess that some families wind up bankrupting themselves to fund the mission if their young adult is sent to someplace with a high cost of living. And I have often wondered about the ROI … so that little tidbit was interesting.


      • 46. Carpool Cookie  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:33 pm

        And to be clear, for all the bad press the LDS leadership (rightly) got for helping to fund and mobilize support for Prop H8 in such a huge way, there are certainly members (including some who post here) who opposed it.

        • 47. fiona64  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:36 pm

          Absolutely. Laura, who runs the Mormons for Marriage site, is just such a one.


          • 48. Ray in MA  |  February 18, 2011 at 4:20 pm


            Why do these Mormons speak up against “not loving and accepting GLBT” yet I don’t hear about Mormons speaking up against “not loving and accepting people of color (ie, Black persons”?

            Or was that taken care of in the past? (Moromons have implied that black people would be their servants in heaven)

            Everything I see comig out of their church toaday is sooo “White Toast”… are there any Black persons in their memebership? … given all that, I was surprised to see an Asian women in the video!

            … just curious.

          • 49. Carpool Cookie  |  February 18, 2011 at 5:18 pm

            Yes, there are African American Mormons. Black males were formally allowed into the priesthood in (I believe) 1978. And there were reportedly some members before that, although I don’t know why they were attracted to a church that did not accept them fully.

          • 50. Ray in MA  |  February 18, 2011 at 5:28 pm

            I wouldn’t be surprised if the Mormons declared that Asians would do their laundry in the after life.

          • 51. Carpool Cookie  |  February 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm

            PS: the “priesthood holders” in LDS are “worthy” male members of the Mormon Church…“Men are ordained to the priesthood through the laying on of hands by worthy priesthood holders [and] divided into bodies called quorums.”

            Women may not become Priesthood Holders, though this video is kind of misleading about that.

      • 52. Sheryl, Mormon Mother of a wonderful son who just happens to be gay  |  February 19, 2011 at 1:00 am

        You are right, fiona, the missionary’s family does fund the mission. Tithing money goes to building church buildings (and not just temples but ward and stake buildings also). Oh, and I’m sure that a fare share goes to paying for trips for the GA’s and their living expenses and also into business investments (both non-profit and for profit). That being said, on the donation slip is a line for missionary work. That money goes into helping to sponsor missionaires for families who are having financial difficulty. In addition, families in the ward may be asked to help out.

        As for a missionary not making a conversion, that is not uncommon. What we do believe is that even though a missionary has not converted anyone, they have opened the door, even if just a crack, for future missionaries to make the conversion. Now my son did not go on a mission, so I cannot speak from firsthand experience but rather from what friends have told me and the speeches of the returned missionaries. I’d also add that, unfortunately, there are a number of missionaries that only serve missions because it is expected of them or because their parents won’t help with college if they don’t serve a mission. I always told my son that if he wanted to serve a mission then he should, but I did not want him on a mission just because he felt it was expected of him.

        Hope that answers some questions.

        Sheryl, Mormon Mother

        • 53. fiona64  |  February 19, 2011 at 7:09 am

          It helps a lot, Sheryl. Thank you. I was under the impression that missions were pretty much mandatory for young LDS men … especially as some young LDS women are pretty vocal that they will not consider marrying anyone other than a returned missionary, LOL.


          • 54. Sheryl, Mormon Mother of a wonderful son who just happens to be gay  |  February 19, 2011 at 10:41 am

            Expected, but not mandatory, a young man is not excommunicated if he does not serve a mission. And, of course our young women are taught that they should marry someone who is worthy to take them to the temple and, of course, a returned missionary would be an excellent choice. Guess I’m just too liberal, I don’t believe that just because a young man served a mission makes him that wonderful. As, I said before, some of those missionaries are only out in the field because it was expected or because mom and dad won’t help with college if they don’t . I doubt if any of those missionaries open many doors. And, gasp, there are gay missionaries (of course, they don’t come out until after their mission).

            Sheryl, Mormon mother

          • 55. fiona64  |  February 22, 2011 at 3:31 pm

            True story: I dated a returned missionary for quite a while — one who had been excommunicated by his local leadership (I have since come to understand how much sway local leaders have in these matters) because, during his interview, he said that he had to begun to question the propriety of his mission. He didn’t feel led to try to convince people to give up the faith that they had grown up in and loved, any more than he would want someone to tell him that he should give up the faith he grew up in and loved. (He served his mission in Portugal, which is a very Catholic country. Funny thing — he would hear someone speaking Portuguese whilst we were out and about, and go engage them because it gave him a chance to keep up his linguistic skills. He was seldom asked where he learned to speak Portuguese; most often, he was asked where in Portugal he grew up.)

            Even though he no longer attended church due to his excommunication, he still kept to the Word of Wisdom and the other principles of LDS. He was a good man (he died at age 42, of an inoperable brain tumor), and I miss him.


  • 56. Ronnie  |  February 18, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    All week “Good Morning America” has been introducing Modern Families who wrote in with their stories…Here is one of the families that appeared in yesterday’s Modern Family segment….including a clip from Zach Wahls’ speech, & clips from ABC’s “Modern Family”…..

    Meet Holli & Marcia, their twin sons Jaron & Seth, & their dad Frank….”3 gay parents & a big sister, Lauren. They are one big very happy family” ~George Stephanopoulos

    “The ingredients for family are kindness, love, friendship” ~ Seth


    • 57. Rhie  |  February 18, 2011 at 4:43 pm

      Thanks! Every single study trying to determine the best environment for children has come up with the same two ingredients: Love and stability. I don’t see anything about a mother and father, let alone gender roles. So, yea, absolutely a family with three parents that are happy, loving and stable is going to be MUCH better than an unhappy heterosexual couple for raising children. Or heck even for the adults involved.

    • 58. Ray in MA  |  February 18, 2011 at 5:25 pm

      There you go again Ronnie… sharing incredible videos! THANX!!

  • 59. Sagesse  |  February 18, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    The more stories are told, the slower the NOM spin machine spins.

  • 60. Ray in MA  |  February 18, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    For the record:

  • 61. Michael  |  February 18, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    Some of the people in this area, whom I admire and love, are starting to sound like hall monitors. All that’s going to do is create arguing and dissent in one of my favorite places on the internet.

  • 62. Martin the Brit  |  February 19, 2011 at 3:22 am

    I don’t want to pooh pooh all over Paul Ober’s speech because the message was great and I’m sure it took a level of courage that I just don’t have – I’m a horrible public speaker. But…was anyone disappointed with the language? ‘Alternative lifestyle’ is one of those phrases that just makes me cringe all over. I expect it from the religiously conservative or people who otherwise have no grasp or concept of sexuality. I despair when I hear it from someone who supports equal rights.

    – affording a choice of two or more things, propositions, or courses of action.

    What is alternative about my ‘lifestyle’? I don’t remember being given another option. The only choice that was available for me to make was to accept who I was or hide it. I chose the first option, the same one that every heterosexual chooses, apparently (unless you happen to know of any heterosexuals who’re in the closet).

    The hilarious thing is that under the ‘alternative lifestyle’ definition I have in fact been straight for the last few months because I’m horribly, horribly single.

    • 63. Sagesse  |  February 19, 2011 at 5:02 am

      We could have some fun with this… So, Martin, ‘Goth’ is an alternative lifestyle, but ‘Vampire’ and ‘Werewolf’ are not? :).

      I am a wordsmith, love language. While sometimes political correctness is overdone (I may never recover from being called a Chair), words matter. I remember from the sixties and seventies women’s movement all the careful expansion of the terms that not so subtly implied male-only. Words do matter. ‘Alternative lifestyle’ is considered an inappropriate description for a reason.

      • 64. Martin the Brit  |  February 19, 2011 at 8:05 am

        We could have some fun with this… So, Martin, ‘Goth’ is an alternative lifestyle, but ‘Vampire’ and ‘Werewolf’ are not? :).

        Yes, exactly lol. If we’re being really pedantic it can be pointed out that there are in fact people who dress as vampires and drink blood (I’m not quite sure whose :-S), and in this context ‘alternative lifestyle’ would be accurate. However, if we say, hypothetically, that vampires are not mythological creatures but real then claiming that their feeding habits and nocturnal waking patterns are an ‘alternative lifestyle’ really doesn’t make sense.

        I’ve never asked my mother what it’s like living the ‘left handed lifestyle’ and whether she’s ever considered switching to a more mainstream alternative… Anyway, this all gives me a great excuse to post this video I love:

        • 65. Martin the Brit  |  February 19, 2011 at 8:07 am

          Ahh! HTML italics attack. I don’t know how that happened :-S.

          • 66. Kathleen  |  February 19, 2011 at 10:51 am

            I see we’re stuck in italics land again. :)

            GREAT video. In the section on religion, he probably could have come up with things in the Bible that actually supported the suppression of left-handedness, rather than reference Leviticus 20:13. Isn’t being left handed supposed to somehow be associated with the devil?

            In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention I’m a lefty – born that way.

          • 67. Richard A. Jernigan  |  February 19, 2011 at 11:30 am

            Another southpaw here!

        • 68. Sagesse  |  February 19, 2011 at 9:13 am

          Never seen that video. It’s really very good.

    • 69. Richard A. Jernigan  |  February 19, 2011 at 8:51 am

      Martin, the only time I remember anyone being closeted who was straight was on TV, and it was the fictional character of Jack Tripper on Three’s Company. In real life, I don’t know of any straights who are closeted.

      • 70. Martin the Brit  |  February 19, 2011 at 1:02 pm

        So the only example we have of a heterosexual in the closet is a fictional character from a 1970s sitcom? I think that just about proves my point.

        And can I just say how shocked I am to learn that you AND Kathleen are both degenerates living in the sinful left handed lifestyle. There are people who can help you leave these harmful addictions behind. I’ll pray for both of you :-P.

  • 71. Rich  |  February 19, 2011 at 6:28 am

    Breaking news in Maine: Federal judge upholds Maine’s election disclosure laws. NOM donated 1.9 million to mislead Maine’s citizens. Now, we will find out just who was part of the smear and fear campaign.

    • 72. Kathleen  |  February 19, 2011 at 10:56 am

      NOM will probably appeal. It’s not like they don’t have the money. In fact, they’ll use this latest loss as a way to drum up more money.

      I can’t see them letting this go without fighting to the bitter end. Being able to hide the identities of their contributors is at the core of their operations; they use that fact as one of the selling points for donating to them.

  • 73. John B.  |  February 19, 2011 at 7:31 am

    And this is why we are going to win: we are telling our stories, one by one and two by two, and telling how the inability to marry affects and harms us and our families, directly and personally. Our opponents have to resort to hand-waving, scare tactics, smears and innuendo, outright lies, appeals to narrow-mindedness and bigotry, and vague warnings that something bad might happen to somebody, somewhere, someday… but they’re hard-pressed to say what, or to whom. We need to keep telling our stories and we need to keep asking our opponents: how is MY MARRIAGE going to harm you, or any heterosexual couple, or any married couple? Every one of us who lives openly and honestly is showing them for the liars they are.


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