A Familiar Feeling

March 8, 2011 at 1:00 pm 24 comments

This post is part of P8TT’s semi-annual fundraising drive. Please help us so we can keep this community together to fight the battles ahead. You can chip in here to make a one-time donation, or here to make a monthly donation, which helps P8TT have a more steady source of funding.

By Jacqueline Hirahara

When I arrived in New Hampshire with Anthony and Arisha, the atmosphere felt familiar.  I had felt this with Prop 8 in California and with Measure 1 in Maine.  Marriage equality exists in New Hampshire, but with impending legislation it could be repealed.  Since it was the legislators making this decision, constituents needed to reach out to them and let them know that support is there for same-sex marriage.

Thanks to our members’ support, including yours, we were able to host Camp Courage trainings throughout the state to help frame their support into stories.  We met with families, students, couples and people just wanting to be heard.  We took trips to meet with Courage Campaign members in New Hampshire and meet with LGBT friendly businesses.  One trip we took to Amherst, NH, where we met with Betsy, the wife of one of the Concord campers.  Lisa had told us her story of working in a Federal job for 30 years but not being able to share her federal pension with her wife.  When we arrived we were warmly greeted with coffee and amazing stories.  Their 2 neighbors also told us why they supported their friends.  It was great hearing the history of the fight for equality in NH.

Hundreds showed up, against the repeal of marriage equality, on the day of the House hearings.

Everyone has a story, it’s the power you give it that makes the change.  It is also why it is important to organize around this and give testimony to our neighbors and friends.

The support from our members, readers and donors help make this possible.  This support allows us to host these trainings.  I look forward to more in the future. Please chip in here so we can replicate our success in New Hampshire.

Entry filed under: Community/Meta, P8TT fundraising.

12 DOMA questions for John Boehner Maryland Delegate comes out of the closet just prior to marriage vote

24 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Alan E.  |  March 8, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    We just did our taxes last week and will be getting some money back. When our check arrives, I can pitch in then.

    On a related note, any married or RDP same-sex couple in California should pay extra attention this year. You are required to file as “married filing separately” on your federal taxes. You must also take everything earned and owned by each person, split it in half, and share with the other person. On top of income, this also includes interest paid on student loans, any house stuff, and even the amount already withheld on your paychecks. The only thing that you do not split is Social Security. Yes this is a mess, but it gets even more fun.

    You have to create a fake federal return pretending that you are married filing jointly. Proceed to start weeping when you compare what you should be getting compared to what you actually are getting. “Married filing separately” is one of the most penalizing methods to file, and only rarely does it have a benefit. You then take this fake number and use that for your joint CA state return.

    It gets even more complicated if you have to file in multiple states. I would recommend finding a good CPA that will charge you the same rate as an opposite-sex married couple. You also need to be sure the CPA is keeping up with current tax law since it was updated so recently.

    • 2. plainmike  |  March 8, 2011 at 2:26 pm

      The tax thing is a real nightmare for us. We live in NJ and have a civil union. I do the taxes :( We do the fake federal, 2 real federals (single status), 2 New York’s (we both work there) and the real NJ both as joint and separate (to see which is best). We both make pretty much the same, so married, filing separate works out better usually. We don’t split the deductions evenly though. Like mortgage interest and property tax deductions, we divide them in a way so that neither of us has underpaid by too much (as to not have to pay estimated taxes next year) making sure that no deduction is done twice and the amounts are what we have coming to us as a family. There really is no good guidance on this, but I figure the IRS doesn’t want to touch it with a ten foot pole, lest they have to recognize a marriage of two people of the same sex. But, on the good side, I have become quite the tax expert :)

      • 3. Alan E.  |  March 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm

        Our CPA told us that any auditor that looks at all of the paperwork wouldn’t know where to start, so the confusion turns out to be a benefit in that manner. We were her first same-sex married or RDP couple this season, so we got to be the guinea pigs. I would say it took us 2 hours, but we spend a lot of time just chatting. Our CPA is extremely thorough, and she made sure to double and triple check everything.

        • 4. Gregory in Salt Lake City  |  March 8, 2011 at 4:56 pm

          The taxes seem complicated! Well, guess that is one thing we don’t have to worry about….joint taxes… as my hubby cannot work yet until marriage is federally recognized.

          Its so inconvenient and annoying how government regulates tax discrimination, if my hubby can work and if we can marry the one(s) we love.

  • 5. Gregory in Salt Lake City  |  March 8, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    subs…logging out for a while….thank you for story Jacqueline Hirahara!

    John posted a really good Rachel Maddow link at last post…don’t want it to get missed..uplifting!

    • 6. Rich  |  March 8, 2011 at 3:21 pm

      This made my night!!!

  • 7. Sagesse  |  March 8, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    For later.

  • 8. Ronnie  |  March 8, 2011 at 1:48 pm


  • 12. Kathleen  |  March 8, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    • 13. JonT  |  March 8, 2011 at 3:10 pm

  • 14. Richard A. Jernigan  |  March 8, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    Checking in before going off to sleep. Will read this in more detail tomorrow.

  • 15. Zak  |  March 8, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    Traditional Marriage:

    A dowry (also known as trousseau or tocher or, in Latin, dos) is the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage. Dowry is an ancient custom, and its existence may well predate records of it.
    Even in the oldest available records, such as the Code of Hammurabi, the dowry is described as an already-existing custom.

    Failure to provide a customary, or agreed-upon, dowry could cause a marriage to be called off.
    In some parts of Europe, especially Eastern Europe, land dowries were common. In the County of Bentheim, for instance, parents who had no sons might give a land dowry to their new son-in-law. It was commonly given with the condition that he take the surname of his bride, in order to continue the family name.

    In the old days, marriages were sometimes contracted while the couple was very young (preadolescent). The boy’s parents chose a certain girl to marry their son. They approached the girl’s parents, and if the latter agreed, the boy’s parents brought him to the girl’s home so that they could meet. Parents initiated this kind of betrothal (‘inos af’aki) in order to gain material benefits such as access to land.

    Brides have always worn white, right? Not so. In ancient times brides wore bright colored wedding dresses to signify their joy. White for western brides didn’t become fashionable until Queen Victoria wore it at her wedding to signify her status. White dresses never did signify purity until the Christian churches put that label on them. So feel free to add a little color to your wedding outfit.

    Back when a bride could be forced by a captor to marry, the groom would have to carry her against her will into her new home. The Romans thought that it was bad luck, for a bride to trip over the threshold so to prevent that, the groom carried her.

    African-American weddings often hold to the tradition of “jumping the broom”. Slaves in the United States were not allowed to marry, so they would exhibit their love by jumping over a broom to the beat of drums. It now is symbol of the couple’s intention to set up a home together.

    In the not too distant past marriage by purchase was preferred. Quite often the bride was exchanged for land, political alliance, social status and/or currency. Indeed, the Anglo-Saxon word “wedd” meant the groom would vow to marry the woman – and that the bartered goods and/or currency would go directly to the bride’s father. (Side note: the very word “wedding” comes from the root term meaning “gamble” or “wager”.) In short, a wedding seemed little more than the purchase of a bride for breeding purposes.

    Along with these kidnappings and bartering, there were also arranged marriages. In these, the groom’s family informed him that he was to marry…but they very rarely let him see the bride. After all, if the groom didn’t like the bride’s looks, he might not agree to the marriage. With this in mind, the father of the bride gave the bride away to the groom who then lifted the veil to see his wife of all eternity for the first time.

    • 16. Gregory in Salt Lake City  |  March 9, 2011 at 5:32 am

      ….and in 2012, civil marriage for ALL was instituted at the Federal level….

      • 17. AnonyGrl  |  March 9, 2011 at 7:05 am

        From your mouth to God’s ear… as the saying goes.


        • 18. Gregory in Salt Lake City  |  March 9, 2011 at 7:24 am

          Good morning AnonyGrl : )

        • 19. Richard A. Jernigan  |  March 9, 2011 at 8:54 am

          Agreed! And it is so nice to see that comment coming from another equality supporter! You guys really know how to extend the good feelings of an absolutely fabulous weekend in the NC version of the Castro and a wonderful birthday, don’t you?

    • 20. Richard A. Jernigan  |  March 9, 2011 at 8:46 am

      And in a Jewish Chasunah, the tradition of lifting the veil at the beginning of the ceremony, rather than waiting until the end of the ceremony as most non-Jewish couples do, goes back to when Laban deceived his nephew Jacob by substituting Leah for Rachel. In this way, the groom can ascertain before taking the final plunge that the spouse in front of him is indeed the spouse of his choosing and love.

  • 21. Ronnie  |  March 9, 2011 at 7:11 am

    OMGrabs tissues….

    LGBT Stories: From Cancer Diagnosis to Fairytale Wedding

    This was a difficult one to watch at first…but like the towleroad article says “thankfully ends with tears of joy.”

    congratulations to Justin & his husband & their marriage…..<3…Ronnie:

    • 22. Gregory in Salt Lake City  |  March 9, 2011 at 7:48 am

      Sweet story : ) Loved the comparison of the divorce….and the courtroom applause for this couple… ::happy sigh::

    • 23. Richard A. Jernigan  |  March 9, 2011 at 8:51 am

      Thank you, Ronnie! And it is truly wonderful for people to see the side of marriage that represents what we all want–that one person that we can spend the rest of our lives with, that we can form that mutual protection of being there for each other and have our love and commitment recognized under the laws of this land.

  • 24. Ronnie  |  March 9, 2011 at 7:18 am

    CNN Interview with Paul V. creator of the “Born This Way” Blog. …..<3…Ronnie:


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